A year ago I had returned from G-Vegas and wrote about the experience that was Bradoween. Having just re-read it, I thought I'd republish it. Why? Well... I don't have a concrete answer for that, but being that another great gathering is a few short weeks away, and being that this blog may just have said all it can say about poker and the strange bedfellows its writing has gathered, it seems fitting to revisit a time when I did have something to say. It expresses what I've said so many times that it certainly seems trite, but, in truth, can't be said enough - the friendships I've made from this pale attempt at writing are friendships I hold fast and dear.
Thanks for stopping by.
August 23,2005:
Where do I begin? One might state the obvious answer, "At the beginning" - but determining just exactly where that lies is not as easy as one might think. Was it 5 days ago when I boarded the plane? Was it when I booked my flight (the second time..)? Was it when the word went out that "Bradoween" was coming? Or does the beginning lie even further back? I'm not sure, so I am just going to start at, well, here. With the truth.
When the first word went out nearly 5 months ago about this monumental gathering I didn't imagine that I'd be going - I was honored to have been included, but honestly thought Otis' generous heart might've trumped his better senses. I'd met Otis in Vegas in December, but really didn't get beyond a few big hugs and nods across the poker room. Lack of time and circumstance, if for no other reason, prevented anything else more meaningful (well, I did ride next to him in the ACHE limo to Sam's Town - but I really doubt Otis has much memory of that encounter...).
After the Vegas June gathering, though, I began to think seriously about attending. And then I was overcome with the same anxiety and fear I faced prior to making the trip to Vegas the first time. I wrestled back and forth with go, don't go, etc. Ridiculous, huh? But that's my MO. If I were to come face to face with a Boggart, it would take the shape of my greatest fear of being played for a fool, of finding out that those who say they are my friends really aren't, of finding out I don't really belong. It's what keeps my circle of friends small and true and what makes it difficult for me to expand the boundaries to make room for new ones.
The first Vegas trip, though, taught me that taking risks can have huge positive payoffs which far outweigh petty doubts and lack of confidence. So, I sucked it up and booked a flight. This is the only life I'm going to get - fear and doubt had lain siege to my ability to live it long enough. But less than 24 hours later I succumbed and canceled everything - the flight, the hotel, the rental. Everything. And then I spun myself into a black funk worthy of a back alley blues lament or an ear busting metal rage. Biatch was born.
I felt I had made the right decision, though. My friends thought I was nuts. And not for the first time. And probably not for the last time, either. Then little things were happening in the poker blogosphere centering on the impending soiree - announcements of booked flights, wagers on over/unders, excitement expressed. All of which I failed at ignoring. How could I not be a part of it? What the hell was my problem?
Quite suddenly, I slammed the door on fear and doubt and once again booked a flight and a car. I told G-Rob I was coming, but to keep it a secret other than to tell Otis I'd be there. I was giving myself an out - just in case. I didn't want to announce to the world, only to renege and back out again. Hence, the "surprise" came to be. G-Rob, in his own inimitable style, quite unknowingly confirmed just what an ass I was being over all this. I'd made a comment about seizing the moment or some such and he said "You better get with it. Time's running out for you." He's right.
This blog has rewarded me in ways I never could have imagined when I began it. Unquestionably the greatest reward has been all the people I have met and grown quite fond of since its inception. This group is irresistable, addictive. I love being in your company - you people are teaching me how to shed my fear and join the ranks of the living.
On the surface, Bradoween was nothing more than a gathering of hard-core partyers and people looking for some fun. But beneath the surface it was more, much more. Pauly put it best:
...sometimes, you just have to take a break from your hectic and unexplained lives and just let loose and surrender to the flow. Because there are specific moments in your life when you get a chance to meet and click with a person, a few people, or an entire group of like minds. And even for a brief moment things make complete sense, like you were supposed to be a part of something cool.
And that was Bradoween. And the person at the epicenter, the hub, is Otis - a big-hearted, generous magnet of a personality who with the equally magnetic and generous, Mrs. Otis, welcomed a bunch of poker players and revelers into their home. Flanked by G-Vegas ambassadors Bad Blood and G-Rob, a set of memories was orchestrated that will spawn legendary tales for years to come. These two words - thank you - are woefully insufficient at expressing my depth of gratitude for everything that was done to set the stage for the masterpiece of fun and camaraderie that was Bradoween.
That's it... save for one last sentiment....
