This is the post no poker blogger ever wants to have to write. Indeed, I've wrestled all day with my impulse to slip into a warm blanket of denial vs. the nagging reason I started this blog over two years ago - which is to write about playing poker. And if I don't write about this, then I'm doing myself a great disservice, if not those of you out there who might benefit from this tale. I've worried a tad about what you, my comrades in this pokerish adventure, would think. But then I realized the respect of my peers has little value when weighed against the diminishing coffers of my own self-respect.
It began just prior to the December Vegas gathering. After a very positive run in November, my bankroll hit it's all-time high. Granted, it was still tiny by Otisian or Ignatian standards, however it cracked open the door to the next level and fueled my irresistible desire to bust through. I ignored every warning bell that was clamoring for my attention and played where I had no business playing. I've done that before with moderate success, however this time, my discipline had been kidnapped, tied up and locked in the closet by my ego, so that when variance tipped downward, I didn't move back to a level more suited for the bankroll.
By the time of the Vegas meet-up, my stake was severely wounded. I incurred a loss while in Vegas which I made up at the Newcastle room back home New Year's day - the four-and-a half-rack session. The online stake, though, quickly disappeared by way of sessions played during less than optimum conditions - my "A" game deteriorating to an "F-" game. Tunica did more damage. Variance, playing beyond the stake, and lack of discipline honed the blade that ultimately cut the artery.
The bleeding trickled to a pathetic stop Saturday night. In one last gasp - a blind straddle and playing the hand in the dark all the way to the river - my bankroll died. Cause of death: exsanguination.
I went broke.
Folks, it was not easy to type those words.
But as hard as it was to type those words and to tell this story, I am optimistic. I'm sure I'll be starting over and, thanks to the great connections this blog has brought me, I've been given some opportunities which will provide some cash for a new stake. The household money will remain untouched, as it has since playing at the Gaming Club with their free $15 nearly two years ago. That is one rule I made for myself which is sacrosanct.
And, y'know, I still possess the greatest reward this adventure has brought me, thus far, and it's one that can't be measured by stacks of chips or a wad of cash in my pocket. It's a reward that goes beyond any material gains or losses. Of course, I'm speaking of all the people I've met and gotten to know during the last couple of years. I've made some friendships I highly treasure and count myself very fortunate for that alone. The rest is merely window dressing.
Thanks for stopping by.
