Consider the egg.
Few people, I'm sure, are unaware of the egg as a symbol of fertility and life. But did you know that China produces more eggs than the United States? That the Teutons believed rabbits laid eggs on Easter - a notion that gave rise to the Easter bunny. The egg was also considered a symbol of the four elements - the shell earth, membrane of the egg was air, the white a symbol for water and the yolk fire. The egg, therefore, is what I guess you could say, a positive symbol, no?
So I guess I should be grateful for the anonymous gift of an egg that smashed into my window last night, about 1:30 am, while I was reading some blogs online in my study. I watched it drip slowly down the pane while several metaphorical visions flashed through my brain in an effort to make sense of it. Ultimately, all I saw was the end of the old year or the beginning of my new year (depending on my level of procrastination), cleaning dried egg off the window.
2005 was an up and down year for me. Anchoring my day to day was my time with my good friends here, these wonderful people who I don't have to pretend I'm anyone other than who I am when I'm with them. Who accept my friendship unconditionally and who I know would walk barefoot over broken glass for me if I needed them to. And (I hope) they know I'd do the same.
And then there's the few new friends I've made as a result of this blog. The bonds are still rather fresh and only time will tell if they will last. Regardless of what happens, those few have had made an indelible impression and I know I will always hold you dear. Because of you, I stepped out of my comfort zone this past year and discovered there's really little to fear out there in the world. You've made me feel special.
I struggled in 2005 with some life issues - nothing life and death, mind you - but issues with work, my future, choices I've made and dreams which aren't going to be realized. This has contributed greatly to my mercurial mood swings (well, that and my occasional lapses in keeping up with my hormone replacement therapy....). There have been too many times to count that I sat down in front of this computer and contemplated scrubbing the blog and walking away. But each time, I managed to tap into my fundamental belief in the positive and stuck with it. Because this blog has been a very positive thing and in ways I'm too thick to be able to measure right now.
My year playing poker? Well, I had high hopes a year ago. Charting a graph on my play for the year would resemble a sketch of the Andes, no doubt. I hit a bankroll high shortly before the last gathering in Vegas, and then it slipped through my fingers by way of variance and bad decisions, bringing it back to just around the size of bankroll I had this time last year. So much for setting goals. Never was good at doing that and sticking with them. However - my confidence as a player is light years beyond where it was a year ago. I'm holding on to that one.
What will 2006 have in store for me? The only thing I know for certain right now is sometime before I return to work on Tuesday, I will be washing some windows. And I will be thinking about the symbology of an egg which represents hope and renewal, good fortune, good friends and life. And I will also be thinking about how fragile an egg is and how easily, how cheaply, how quickly what it symbolizes can be squandered if one is not careful.
Happy New Year, all!
