...I'd gotten three-quarters of the way through my final paper in Theatre Criticism when I realized I had no finish. I had attempted to create a theory of critcism based on game theory and apply it to Beckett's Endgame. I was in way over my head but didn't know it until it was too late. Fortunately, my professor took pity on me and gave me a passing grade on it anyway. He did say he hoped I'd finish it someday. Someday hasn't arrived yet.
Much like that one time, in grad school, I'm feeling rather unintelligent right at the moment. I'm not worried, I know it will pass, but nonetheless the pit of my stomach is filled with fears of being discovered as a fraud and ignoramous. Why? Because right now I'm feeling rather like an intellectual fraud and ingnoramous.
Go with me on this one.
For weeks I've been chewing on a thesis centering on the issue of poker as a profession. Or so I thought. I made stabs at pulling my thoughts and arguments together only to witness them dissippate and roll away like so many tiny beads of mercury. I just could not get a grasp on what I wanted to say.
I was recharged after reading the quote from Josh Hoptay in Iggy's post this week. I made another stab at it and finally slapped something together.
I ran it by Iggy who is one of the very few people, if not the only person, I know personally who plays poker for a living and after an intense and very helpful discussion, I concluded I'd once again missed the mark.
I now needed to get at the root of the problem. Why was this so difficult for me to get a handle on? The old and trite adage "sleep on it" certainly has validity because after a night of dreams worthy of a Fellini film, I awoke this morning with the answer. At least I hope so...
It wasn't poker as a profession that was at the core of my supposed thesis, it was something else entirely. I was attempting to discuss one thesis with the ideas of another resulting in, well, a mess.
The "something else entirely" is a subject best saved for another blog other than one devoted to poker or for those beer soaked conversations that attempt to solve the problems of the world.
As for poker as a profession? Well, I could discuss that since what I do for a living is advise people on employment and training, and perhaps I will someday, but not today. Today is for confession and, well, the sincere hope that I'll get a passing grade anyway.
